I’m getting divorced. What now?
It may be one of the most daunting moments in a life. I read somewhere that divorce and the death of an immediate family members are the two most stressful experiences you can go through. Pretty sure whoever write that was right.
For me, one of the hardest issues was trying to figure out what came next. I knew I was going to move out – I didn’t want to live in the home we bought and shared with all the memories and demons that came with it. I also felt I needed a fresh start – to break all connections with my married life that I could, and create my own space that I felt safe in.
I also felt like I wanted to start dating again, and found myself wading back into that area of my life much sooner than I anticipated. While I know intellectually that I needed to take it slow and now be too serious too fast, I found myself spending too much time thinking about what a future may look like with this person, or that person. I overly restricted my interests to get the “ideal” partner, and ended relationships with women who didn’t fit that description.
I had an image in my head of where I wanted to “get back too” to make myself whole again.
It was stressful. I felt failure when relationships ended, or potential partners were not interested. Clearly trying to force my life to get to a certain place – I was unhappy, and overly stressed.
And then I asked, why is that where I need to go? How do I know that is the destination where I will be happy and fulfilled?
By trying to force where I was going, I had lost my way. That was the start of my journey, realizing that I needed to focus on the journey, not the destination – and I hope you come along for the ride.